A talk to my 2020 self

Hey Nguyen,

It has been a year since we last talked to each other like this. I am sure you are full of questions on how 2021 has been and what changes waiting in store for your upcoming new year.

Fret not, I am here to answer most of them — if not all of them (please do forgive my absent memory as it had been quite a turbulent year).

So let’s start with the burning questions shall we?

1. Will I successfully living alone on my own?

Short answer, yes.

Long answer, depends on what you called successful.

Health-wise, I lost 5 kg on my first month of arriving in Saigon. My stomach was continuously raging with diarrhea from the homemade menu. I realized how tough it was living alone on a daily basis just to maintain a good meal nutritious-wise. Not to mention, the habits of eating out did not help either — the cuisine was a far cry from what I had during my 20 year something in Hanoi and took time getting used to.

I also went to the ER and got hospitalized for the first-time, all of this during the worst moment of COVID (at peak 12K per day). Imagine going from guard booth, district to district just to get to the hospital amidst all the fear of being forced back due to not having the appropriate permission. Compared to all the years that I have never even visited the hospital alone, how’s that for a one-in-a-life-time experience!

Although, it was a crazy ride indeed, things weren’t as all bad as it sound.

Living with my girlfriend turned out to be the biggest boon I could have asked for. She did a great help with the cooking, cleaning and taking care of the little things in the house. I took care of the rest: setting up internet contracts, dealing with rent issues, household items issues, declaring moving paperwork (lovely referred to as “man of the house duty”). For the most part, I was quite proud of my ability to handle them.

Sometimes, I thought to myself that I had become the lucky guy that I used to envy as a high school kid. The life of living out on my own with the best girlfriend one could asked for taking care of me.

Relationship-wise, I had made some friends I cherish at work. Some were about my age, some were much older but they gave me good advice on what to focus on and how to deal with negative emotions early on in my career. The thing that I am most grateful is their encouragements as it helped me realize that I might not be so bad for a first-jobber.

On my romantic partner-side, we had our ups and downs, and did fight quite a bit (of course, who wouldn’t when being together 24/7). But mentally if she wasn’t there, I would have suffered much more crises that I could have not even thought of. So I am not quite independent from my girlfriend on that aspect, but grateful nonetheless for all the help I got from her.

On financial side, I think we did a pretty good job of maintaining our spending. I have managed to invest a bit (although needed some serious fine tuning of the portfolio), saved up to my goal this year — a large part of which again thanks to my girlfriend staying there and being the voice of reasons. I planned to save more next year, and it could start with the returning of mindful mental accounting.

One thing of regret though that I have never got around to become the true Mr. Handy-man of the family as the 2020 target. But maybe that doesn’t matter as much when COVID hit like a truck. When all of Saigon was in lockdown, I still came out ahead. So how about that for living independently through the worst phase of 2021!

2. Did I succeed in my first assignment at Heineken?

No, sadly I did not.

In fact, I got so close to quitting in the first 2 months that it almost seemed like a cruel joke. My high expectation got crushed by realities: apathy yet toxic teammates, mundane tasks that become an extreme bore, the constant stress of peer pressure: low salary, almost zero learning curve, nearly no bond with my team.

Deep down, I secretly blamed myself for lack of adaptability— a result of having not worked seriously in a corp-related job before joining the MT program. And it led to a series long stressful days of self-blaming, eventually dried up all the pain I was feeling. But somewhere during that line 2 things happened.

1. Pain is the feeling when you are out of your comfort zone— and one way or another you become more resilient.
2. It triggered a chain reaction of self-improvement — both in the form of internal struggle and reaching out for help (a rather slow accumulative process) that eventually ended up in a better place.

I didn’t quit at 3 month mark, then 6, then now almost 9. And to be honest, most of the problems at the beginning were due to my internal suffering. One step each day, through less and less self-complaints, I slowly figured out a way to work through it, albeit not always the best approach. In the end, I am just extremely happy that I did not quit.

And that might be all that matter.

3. What about side-job and that dream of a startup out of uni?

I remembered having set my goal somewhere along 2017 and late 2020 with these two lines:

1. “I want to own one of my own business when I finally graduated after 4 years of uni”
2. “If that fail, at least join one startup by 30s (either as side-venture or self-create”

Well the first goal had failed. But not for the reasons of me being scared to take risk, rather due to my unwilling-ness to follow through the plan to the very end.

It just boils down to wanting to much, switching to quickly and not being consistent. Other than that there is just no more excuse. Yet, there are things that gone favorable for me during this year:

• The time I got sick, I truly had the chance to look back on what I really want to do: Game & Blockchain
• During the binges while on days off work — I realize there will still be a child in me who loves to hang-out with his friends in game, watching anime / manga on slice of life and wishing to be the main protagonist. And with that, I found what make my life exciting.
• Experience, no matter what kind, is precious to me as an experimentalist. What I lack is a clear guide / measurable — not the willingness to plunge into the deep.

-> I don’t need to become some one who I am not or becoming the adult ambitious salaryman yearning for promotion and rise above my peers.

I am myself with dreams & ambition, with hobby that let my lives move on without regrets of becoming a dull person without truly satisfied with the memories I have made along the way.

4. So, what’s next for 2022?

Willpower for me will be the key theme: not just one to start taking action, but also one to follow through with it till the end. The book of the same name taught me three things:

1. Focus on less
2. Write actions and track them down to -1 level
3. It is a process, a muscle to be trained not just overnight.

I discover my love for blockchain, the opportunity for it to grow in the next 5–10 years. I believe it can change the world as Internet one did. And it will be my life biggest regret if I let it pass without at least an attempt to make at least one single impact that push the wave forward.

But that doesn’t mean I will quit my job overnight, throw everything I got into it this year. Why?

• When you currently have nothing in hand, you don’t bet the farm. Start hatching an egg first.
• My job provide me resources: fund, financial freedom & time if I can do it efficiently. I don’t aim to quit, I aim to maximize for my goal.
• Discipline & getting out of comfort zone are the two things I need to practice the most. Only tough situations and determination breed them

So first, focus on setting up doing your job efficiently and effectively. 1st goal is my current project. Let’s try making it abroad this year.

Then, used the time & resource I have saved to build up on my path of blockchain & game: knowledge — skills — network. This is a process that might take at least 3 years.

So that will be the first milestone before my 25:

Master the basics of the blockchain journey so that I can confidently enter the industry.

In sum, 2021 was a year marked with transition and scary things of entering the adult working life. The first time I also got an alarm on health & wellness

Let’s make 2022 the year be marked with following things through till the very end. I’m very much counting on it.

And don’t forget, even when no one else believe in you Nguyen.

I will always do. Myself is enough.

Thanks for all your hard-work in 2021,

Nguyen